


Diggin' In The Rain

by Not_A_Valid_Opinion



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Did I Mention Fluff, Existentialism, Fluff, and the shark, non-binary character ?, pure fluff, the kitten is a big part of this, the kitten shark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9177544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_A_Valid_Opinion/pseuds/Not_A_Valid_Opinion
Summary: Todd Brotzman and Dirk Gently continue to dig up the final pieces of the 'machine.' It sounds fine and dandy, but in reality, Dirk keeps asking questions about things Todd didn't realize could ever possibly even be a question, and Todd is left to contemplate why he is more amused than annoyed.Special thanks to VassaR for providing a Russian translation!https://ficbook.net/readfic/6119596





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I watched this show all in one day instead of studying for my social exam and I cannot stop thinking about it. It's such a cool story, and the characters... oh boy. Basically I really liked it. When exams are done I promise I'll go finish my other fics. Or, at least update them. Also, seeing as I wrote this after watching the whole show, I realize now that I made them say something about the cat they'd have no way of knowing yet. I gave it an excuse but it's lame, I know. Anyway, enjoy!
> 
> Again, heres the link to this story in Russian: https://ficbook.net/readfic/6119596

"Would you come to my funeral, do you think?"

The question was so unexpected that Todd almost dropped his shovel, instead sloppily driving it into the dirt and allowing himself the chance to consider his… his… well, he didn't know what Dirk was too him.

"What?" he finally managed to get out. Dirk rolled his eyes, removing his own shovel from the dirt and pushing it off to the side.

"I said-"

"No, I- I heard what you said, I just- what?" Todd asked, trying to wrap his head around the question. "Dirk, are you planning on dying anytime soon?"

Dirk scoffed, digging in his shovel. They were still looking for the last piece to the 'machine' they were sent on a quest from a dead guy to find. Well, a used-to-not-be-dead guy, and technically only Dirk was sent on the quest, if he was at all. Todd was still having issues understanding- or believing- it all. The only reason they were still digging after the whole the-cat's-a-shark fiasco was because they realized they did, in fact, miss a piece. Dirk's face was still littered with scratched from the attack, and Todd wasn't feeling too great himself, but Dirk insisted on getting the last piece before they take a rest and bandage up his face. "Todd, don't be ridiculous. Nobody _plans_ on dying, it just, y'know, happens."

Todd stared at his shovel for a moment before returning his gaze to Dirk. "People plan on dying all the time. It's called suicide, Dirk."

"Oh."

The two dig in silence for a little while. It didn't stop until the kitten mewled from inside the jeep, attracting both Dirk's excited attention and Todd's disinterested gaze. "Kitty!" Dirk cried, dropping his shovel and rushing over to the cat.

Todd fought back a sigh. "Dirk, come on, let's finish finding this piece. You can play with the cat- uh, shark- kitten, later. Ya."

Todd brought himself out of his small hole, knowing that if there was anything buried under him, he'd have found it by now. He brought his shovel down in a new spot, and the moment he looked up, he found Dirk unnecessarily close to him, holding the kitten in his hands. Todd jumped slightly at the sudden appearance but quickly got over it, glaring up at Dirk instead.

"Isn't the kitten so cute?" Dirk asked, holding the kitten out to the point where her whiskers brushed against Todd's chest. Todd wanted to roll his eyes, really, he did, but he feared if he did it any more than he already had in the span of one day, they would roll behind his head and never come back down. So, instead, he considered the kitten in the outstretched hands before allowing himself a small smile and dropping his shovel with a faint _clang_  as it hit the dirt. He took the kitten from Dirk, who was beaming from the positive interaction, and scratched her behind her ears.

"Who's a good girl?" he asked, the kitten somehow managing to lift his mood slightly. It was just so small, so _fluffy…_

He looked up at Dirk, but was met with confused eyes.

"What?" Todd asked.

Dirk blinked, and in a moment the expression was gone, replaced with a blank expression. "What?"

_"What?"_

"Um… What?"

"Dirk."

"What!"

Dirk stared for a moment before sighing and shaking his head. "Never mind." He look back at the kitten, continuing to cradle the purring ball of warmth and death. "Who's a good girl?" he asked her again in a sweet, almost nurturing tone. He didn't normally like animals, let alone cats, but he certainly didn't dislike them. Besides, the cat was just so _cute._ He couldn't help liking it.

There was a moment before Dirk huffed. Todd looked back at the man, frowning.

"Okay, seriously, what."

"Nothing!" Dirk said quickly, but his expression gave away his uncertainty, and he quickly relented. "It's just, well, I don't understand your question."

"What question?"

"The… 'Who's a good girl?'"

Todd blinked. Dirk continued. "I mean, it's like, rhetorical, right? Does it have a second meaning or something? Who are you asking? Who are you referring too? Who _is_ the good girl?"

Todd had to physically stop himself from letting his jaw drop.

"I- Dirk, I was talking to the cat," Todd scrunched his eyebrows, staring at Dirk as though he had lost his mind.

"Why would you ask the cat a rhetorical question?"

"It's not a- well, I guess, is it? I mean, it's not like she could answer me, anyways, so I guess I'm just… _directing_ it to the cat."

Dirk let out a _hmmm,_ holding his chin as though in deep consideration, but did not say a word. Todd blanched.

"You've never heard a person talk to an animal before?"

"Of course I have, don't be ridiculous. I've just never heard a person ask an animal a question to which they cannot respond to!" Dirk looked genuinely distraught at the mere premise of the very concept.

"Well, it's just a thing people say to their pets. Like, 'Who's a good girl? You are!' but like. To the pet." Todd never thought that he'd ever be having to explain something like this.

Dirk frowned. "So… the kitten is the good girl, then?"

Todd rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "Essentially, yes."

"Well how do you know the kitten is a good girl?"

"I don't know, Dirk, she just is."

"Well how do you know the kitten is a _girl?"_

Todd sighed, exasperated. This is the guy he was starting to consider as a friend. This guy!

"Just look under it, Dirk! Surly I don't have to explain _that_ to you as well!"

"Alright, fair enough, the kitten is a girl," Dirk relented, raising up his palms as a gesture of goodwill, "But what about the shark? How do we know the shark is a girl? I mean, for all we know, the shark could be a rather strapping young lad and here we are, calling it the 'good girl' as a nickname. I mean, if that were the case, would the kitten still technically have a gender? Should we just refer to it as a they? Could we change it to 'who's a good non-binary?' or would that give it too many syllables?"

Todd felt like he was having an aneurysm. "Oh my God, I don't know, Dirk! I mean… I guess you raise a good point… No, you know what? It doesn't matter! It's a kitten! And a shark! It's a kitten shark!"

"Kark," Dirk supplied helpfully, and Todd rightfully ignored him.

"Why do you care so much?" Todd finally got out.

"I," Dirk started, but closed his mouth. After a moment, he tried again, sounding a bit struck-down. "I guess the shark could be a girl, too."

Todd allowed himself one more eye roll for the day before returning his gaze back to the cat. For whatever reason, he wasn't as annoyed with the man in front of him as he would have been even just a day or two ago. Dirk continued to surprise him, even now, and as long as nobody was getting hurt, he found it… enduring? No. Exhilarating, maybe.

He figured that wasn't as bad as he made it out to be.

He gave it one last stroke before handing her/them back to Dirk. "You can refer to them as a 'them' if you want, but if another cat ever comes into the picture and I ask you to get _them,_ and you bring me more than one cat, then… I don't know, I don't know what I'd do, but I'm pretty certain somebody would get sued."

Dirk smiled. No, _beamed._ "I do feel as though that situation was a bit, um, _situational,_ but I'm appreciative anyhow."

Todd let out a laugh, a genuine laugh, and Dirk had to restrain himself when he almost jumped for joy.

"Alright, let's continue finding this machine," Todd said after a moment, going to pick up his shovel, and Dirk nodded eagerly before going to put the kitten away.

The two dug in silence yet again, but it was far more comfortable this time around.

"I would, by the way," Todd said suddenly, and Dirk's head shot up. He opened his mouth, but Todd answered his question before it could begin to form on the Brit's lips. "Go to your funeral. I mean, I hope I don't have too, but just, y'know… in general."

Todd continued digging, and he didn't even have to look at Dirk's face to know that the man was smiling.

As Dirk collected himself and drove his shovel into the dirt again, this time with a loud wooden _bang_ surrounding the two men, his smile only grew bigger.

 


End file.
